“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional.”
~ Max Lucado
How many of us lose it with just one word that someone said about us? How many of us find it difficult to control our reactions once the trigger button is pushed?
Hmm…Most of us do!
The brain retains sensory inputs and puts information into storage. If I blame someone, “Why are you being philosophical?” The word ‘philosophical’ may trigger a negative reaction and the person may completely react irrationally. The brain retrieves the reaction as soon as it sees the trigger. If I do not want any conflict, I can reverse this process by using a technique called the “Ladder of Abstraction”.
Let’s say your boss gets angry with you. On the spectrum of anger, he can be upset/ annoyed/ angry/ furious or enraged. Try asking him why he is ‘enraged’ (it will act as salt to the wound) and as a result, you will see the rage coming in the form of spewing fire at you. Try asking empathetically what ‘upset’ him (it will act as a band-aid) and you will have opened the pathway to a dialogue.
Words have a ladder. At the lowest provocative level, they become a trigger and at the highest abstract level, they become communication.
Lowest to Highest of the word ‘Afraid’: Terrified/ Panicky/ Frightened/ Apprehensive/ Anxious
Always choose the correct word from the ladder to mitigate any conflicts arising out of your statement/ question.
A dog called Tommy is a Pomeranian, a short-legged dog, a mammal, an animal and a form of life.
The higher the ladder, the more the ambiguity; the more the ambiguity; the lesser the conflict.
Next time you find yourself in an argument, analyse the words that ticked you or the other person off. Identify the tick words that trigger conflicting reactions. Try the trick of using the higher ladder of abstraction of that tick word and see how the rate of conflicts drops.
“We must teach our children to resolve their conflicts with words, not weapons.”
~ William J. Clinton
